As a child, we had pets of all kinds, mostly cats. I remember when our cat had kittens, I was the proud owner of five cats, until we found homes for them, of course. I also owned a dog, more than one lizard, a hamster, and a parakeet. At least that’s all I can remember. Which means that during my childhood, I learned a great deal about animals, how to love and properly care for them, what I needed to do to ensure their needs were met and they were happy in our home.
I remember two lessons I learned as a young child as it pertained to animals, what not to do in certain situations. I was told that one should not disturb a pet when they are eating, especially cats, that they are likely to bite or get defensive with you. I also found that one must be very careful if there is an injury with a pet, that a dog or cat may, again, bite or claw you out of sheer instinct. In both scenarios, the pet owner should not allow their feelings to be hurt if their beloved pet acts out of character. Instead, they should possess wisdom and maturity to know the behavior is due to instinct, especially in the case of injury. And in this case, they should allow the love they possess for their pet to look past this behavior and focus instead on the healing that needs to take place.
In over twenty years of ministry, I have found the same to be true with humans, especially during times of crisis. When an individual is in crisis, the one thing we do not need to do is become offended at the individual’s behavior. There is a reason the person is acting out of character. The reason is their crisis. These are the times when we must put our feelings aside for the sake of the person who is hurting and confused. We must overlook their behavior and ask ourselves what is causing the behavior. We should allow our love for our brother or sister to help us look past their actions and instead focus on the healing that needs to take place. People in crisis need to be loved unconditionally. People in crisis need us more than ever. The worst thing we can do is to abandon a person in crisis because we do not understand their behavior.
The book of Proverbs reminds us that “a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” I have found that times of crisis reveal who real friends are. Do we appear to love people only for what they can give or do for us? Is the love they think we have for them based solely on the role they play in our lives? Is the relationship simply a contractual one? Or does it go deeper? Is there real and genuine friendship that exists, the kind that will cause us to run to their aid during their time of need and stay with them until their brokenness results in healing? Will our love look past behavior we know is not in line with their character, realizing it is produced by crisis? Can we set aside our personal feelings long enough to help a person we care deeply about?
Contractual relationships are easy to replace. They model business relationships in many respects. Get a new employee. Get a new teacher. Get a new coach or instructor. However, friendships, the true friendships God calls us to possess with members of the family of God should go much deeper. “Koinonia,” the Greek word for “fellowship” in the New Testament, demands it. It calls us to go the extra mile for a brother or sister in need, to be a true friend, to love in such a way so that the brother or sister can see Jesus through us.
It is Jesus who a person in crisis needs to see the most. It is Jesus who can help them the most. Our commitment to not abandon a hurting brother or sister will remind them that Jesus’ commitment is the same. Our willingness to show care and concern will remind them of Jesus’ care and concern. Yet, here is the catch. These are reminders that only a true friend can bring, a true friend who is committed to the help and healing of their brother or sister. Only a true friend can love in this kind of way. Which begs the question, what kind of friend are you today? Who needs you to be this kind of friend?